Lala <3

UPDATES.NOT MUCH.

2010-01-08T13:24:00.000-08:00

im a big time loser for now.
i have no job and im very much irresponsible.
im useless.
i love this one guy.
but he's already decided im not worth loving.
we're still what we are though.
despite the complications.
i don't know what to call him.
maybe i shud call him clueless ass hole.

as for now,i dont really have a life.
im getting fatter as days goes by.
im losing friends.
cause i forgot how to treat friends.
i told about one's secret to clueless ass hole.
then he told on me to the one's secret person who was not to be told.
you can never trust anyone this days aye?
fuck pirates.
though i love johnny.
im anti social
i only mix with the people im really used to.
the ITE mates and the strawberry kids and all has faded away.
they built another family without me.
cause i aint family to them.
im just a fat girl in this skinny bithes world.
anyways,why ould they accept me to be one of them.
i care too much to care man.
anyways,i still love whoever that loves me alright.
i don't know for how long im gona be this way.
im crappy and self deprived.
i dont know what i want and need.
i dont know what i shud do.
i dont wana be schooled anymore.
cause to me it just shows everyone how much of a failure i am.
i miss my old lover.
he used to give me everything.
i dont know if he's still hearing me out or not.
im just too dependent on him.oh shit.
i gtg now.
my cat's purring for some smelly cat food.
gotta feed him.
make him fat and useless like me.
atleast i have a friend then right.
toodles earthlings!~
be merry this new year aite.

2009-02-07T21:46:00.000-08:00

HANDS OF MY MAN BIATCH!
THIS TIME YOUR TIME'S UP!GET GOING.OR YOU'LL BE JACK UP YOUR ASS REALLY SOON!
I HAD ENOUGH OF YOU!!

i saved the car.

2009-02-04T07:03:00.000-08:00

we almost hit and crash.you did not understand the hints and directions given.you got frustrated,you got you hands of the the stirring wheel.our car swerved.we almost collided.things weren't planned at all.it happens just like that.i chose not to end it,our car is still worth saving.the car posses much more love then we ever had.i held your arms and i slapped you hard.that made you think.you place your hands back to the wheel.alast our car is saved.though it had bumps and scratches.it survived.our car huny.it survived.

its a maze huny.its a damn maze.

2009-02-02T08:32:00.000-08:00

i don't know.is it me or is it you.thats always the case.i get lost all the time.as if hunting for a job and being at home,bored 24/7 isn't hard and bad enough for me,im a loser in every way.i tried to convince myself all the time.but,i just don't know why.When you tried your very best but noone's there to notice you,its worthless.Seriously.yeah,they all say its the satisfactory from within.really its not satisfying at all.why do you think all this born beautiful,harmless,innocent babies grow up and turned to become matreps,minahs,revengeful,rebellious,sick,lunatic,suicidal,all-'imperfect' child you've ever known.ever asked yourself that?i don't know bout the world out there.but from what i know,the people in my circle,99.99% turned out that way cause they wanted attention from the one they care about,their love ones.how come im becoming one of them now?cause its human nature.situation,time,feelings,etc creates changes.its in us.many embrace that and most suffer while embracing.i don't really know which category im in.cause im always in denial.they call it 'flaws'.you have it,i have it.now lets just open up our minds..if we're all almost the same,how come we still don't understand.like,for example:you know that when you're being slapped,it hurts.but why would you slap someone else?my mum told me that thats love.well i say,thats tough love.if you know me well enough,i might not look much knowledgable.but i learned alot and i went through alot more than other 17-18 yr old.i know love's tough but i need it.i know friendship's like a rollercoster,but i want it.well..i just hope this soul-searching thingy will be over and done with ASAP.cause i got to get it pumping,cause i believe February will be a dawn of a new day aye!all hail February!

YOU'LL BE MY THIRD BESTIE OHKAY.

2009-01-31T17:46:00.000-08:00

I NEED A JOB!NOW!HELP!!

IF YOU HELP ME I PROMISE YOU'LL BE MY THIRD BESTFRIEND.

YOU KNOW MY NUMBER.CALL ME ASAP.IF YOU DON'T,ASK AROUND PLEASE.

DAMN URGENT LA!PLEASE!

2009-01-31T04:01:00.001-08:00

you know the old email add i had that most of you guys laugh about?well,yeah.its deleted.made a new one already.so,do watcha gota do.add me . sacred_secret12@hotmail.com . i really don't know why i chose that for my email.wtv ok.atleast its better than the old one right.and,can anybody tell me what's Mr Ooi email add is.I think i need it,for the attachment thingy!i got none!.and and btw,in between sacred and secret,theres a underscore ok.for the gundus la.peace out!

yesterday.

2009-01-30T01:17:00.000-08:00

dear lela and ryn.forgive me for my stupid idea.i shouldn't have made plans.im a sucker for that.im sorry.because of that,you guys had to get MC for the day.and for not replying the msg,im sorry too.yesterday was really a very emotional day.i just needed to chill.i went out with ama,her bf and uin.and to reply to you guys that i can't come along,just sounded irresponsible.one thing is that,im broke.the other thing is that,im having some personal problems.and i haven't slept the night before.was a little too cranky.even ama told me that.im really sorry.i'll make it up to you guys ok.jangan marah please.

2009-01-28T19:45:00.000-08:00

its been too long to thinking that they're losing it.she just can't take it anymore.demanding the truth.continuing the relationship,denial.she never really trusted him after the incident in 2007.he'd been lying to her for the first months together,she found out.trying to put back the missing pieces,she cut herself.now she things that its gona happen again.and if it happens,she is still indecisive as to what to do next.she's scared.she don't want to lose him.but she cant live with the thought of his arms around someone elses body.she tries to hold on,but it hurts too much.she tried to forgive but its not enough to make it all ok.praying hard that this all isn't true.oh god,please don't hurt her this way.don't take him away from her now.it has only been awhile.give her eternity to be with him.make him love her and only her.DENIAL.

january,i hate you.

2009-01-28T10:02:00.000-08:00

Im glad January's ending.Except for the fact that I've been well fed and been waking up late in the afternoon,January's been a bitch.I love reminiscing old pictures and wishing time could rewind alittle for me to really marinate with it.Oh God!Im ageing.And real fast.I like to be older.That means i would be legal to get certain heavenly treat.Na-ah!Don't get wild with your imaginations eh!heh.Anyways,my purpose of blogging this morning is to show ya'll what I've been reminiscing.I think im suffering from insomnia.I can't sleep and I've been eating kimchi ramen noodle haven from 7-11 for 2 nights already.ohkay.enough blabbering.Indulge and reminisce with me aye.

Oh you havenly thing!

high on kimchi and hot chocolate.and patrick is my playmate.

While waiting for the next screening of HSM3.damn my skirt's short.

After HSM3.The next casting la konon.hah!

My Love-lings!we do have issues,but we love.

In memories.

We miss you dearly.May your soul rest in peace.

Kick-ass lovelings.

Band used to be awesome when we were around.Not so much now eh?

This people know what 'living life to the fullest' means.

And this ali baba is my baby.He is still loved.

yes,people he's the ali.duh!

4bia la sia

2009-01-26T09:48:00.000-08:00

On the 24th,i and ama went out to send back VE's stuff back.Reached to find out that the workplace's closed due to the CNY fever.hah!thought you guess never stopped working.K to the E to the N to the T to the A to the L-A-N!kentalan jubskedut!

Called up 'Mr' Gary.He said he forgot to tell us that they were closed.He asked us to come over to his area at aljunied,only 7-8 busstops away.So,we went ahead with the plan.Like usual.We miss the stop.Luckily a stop away only.I swear i cursed alot on that day.Kancong kitty cat sia!.Btw,Gary in his home clothes is a turn off ok Uin.sheesh.atleast that was done and over with.

On the 25th,i was barely shifting my butt.Full-time + OT potatoe couch sia aku.Slugging the whole day.Gosh nabilah!get a job.CB!i hate this!anyways,as my story goes,while i was slugging in the evening,Ama msg-ed me telling me that her grandma just passed away.i was like,she must be joking sia.I called to confirm and it's true,her grandma has passed on.Still in shocked,i called my mum,who was away in Malacca.Called all close friends,who met arwah before.I can't believe that death is really real.I just lost my close aunt on the 13th.And now my bestfriend has to go through what i went through.I can't console her,i know that.Cause i can't even console myslef up till now.I went to bed at 4am in the morning,told Ama that im coming over tommorow.

On the 26th,Haniz was my wake up call.Msg-ed me as to what to wear to for the funeral visit and what time to meet up.And that was like around 8+ or 9+ in the morning.Pantat sia kau Haniz,tkde pagi lagi pe?haha.Thenafter,busu wake me up for breakfast at 10am.I was super pissed off that morning.Can't a girl have her beauty sleep for once?!.Chey marah eh,padehal aku yang suro kejot for breakfast.haa!Anyways,met Haniz at 1pm then went over to Ama's house.Ate,chit-chat,shed some tears,bla bla bla.After that we went down to print the death cert.Together with Wan,Ama's bf, and his sissy friend Hakim,whom i call Wak Joy!.They all like wak2 sia.Haha.After printing,we chilled under some fantasy wedding place.Talked crap.Sing song.Sleep.Drool.Laugh.Act sissy.Took 'tangkap basah in Malaysia' pictures.Then went home.I know that it was a bad conduct,to be acting like that after what happened.But i'd rather not think about it.Believe me,you don't want to remind me of death.I will become the Lala that you never know OHKAY?.don't talk to me about death.Unless you're Amir or Ama or my close family member.just a easy reminder only la.chill.

be strong my huns.everything will be just fine.xoxo

right now

2009-01-23T21:22:00.000-08:00

Dear friends,we need to meet up someday.movies or kareoke or short hols or chalet maybe.Something la!
Im a desperado underneath your window.SHAKE YOUR BOM BOM. SHAKE YOUR BOM BOM. SHAKE YOUR BOM BOM!

to make it all ohkay.

2009-01-21T19:46:00.000-08:00

Currently my head is humming to Broken Strings.Oh James Morrison,aku cinta pada LAGU2 mu!.His voice alone can make you tear up at times.haha.really sia.Not really a fan of Nelly Furtado.She's kinda mono.James Morrison,land your ass here can?Serenade me.please!
Im missing mak long.Can't believe she's really gone.No song or word can really describe how im feeling right now.I can't imagine if im her husband or her kid.Im only her niece and im feeling so lost and badi.
anyways,i need to go and chill.im watching movie by myself later in the afternoon.i just need time to tune myself to the right channel.

semalam punye cerite.

2009-01-19T22:55:00.000-08:00

yesterday was awesome.
yeehaa!
went meet wafi,wani and huda in the morning at Tanjong Pagar to take Isk's precious camera back.a long morning it was.can't believe i got lost again.Chebai siak.After which,head up to Toa Payoh to wait for my baba-baby for our usual random date.Infact,yesterday wasn't really the usual.I waited alot.had fun waiting though,'cause i got to shop for little stuff.Thanks huneh!.hehe.
After a long wait and all the minor shopping spree,headed to Serangoon together with bf.to transfer some cash for his granny in India. *not funny ohkay!
while he was doing his stuff,i went to do my stuff also.Mustafa Centre!bf was having a serious but normal tummy problem.so,i bought him his obat.which was a relieve for him.that when well for awhile only.hais..luckly im used to it.anyways,i bought some stuff then meet back to head to rest our ass off.
afterwhich,went to Clarqe Quay to eat our all-time favorite ....HOOTERS!
being stuffed ourselves,we head home.
itu cerita semalam.
ok dah.

Oh dear,January!

2009-01-15T09:50:00.000-08:00

Im unsure for the upcoming months ahead.This month alone has been really emotionally and physically draining for me.Especially the pass few days.

11 January-Mak Long's Birthday
12 January-1 year 4 mnthsary
13 January-Ali-Baba's Birthday+Mak Long passed away
14 January-Mak Long dikebumikan

What's next?.Im still unemployed,Venture Era is a bore!.Indecisive into what course should i take up next.I dont want to get left behind.Again.Ali has a clear sense of direction of which way should he make a move to.And im proud of him.I want to take up pastry and baking but it's a Nitec course.Early Childhood Education maybe?yeah.i love the sound of it.umm.maybe i should aye?No matter how hard i try to tell myself to try to concentrate more on my well being,i still turn back and start thinking bout arwah Mak Long each and everytime.What?.Im new to it ok.I never witness death.Never.And its Mak Long.What the hack.I should have made a New Year resolution and be prepared for whatever's gonna happen next i guess.I miss her dearly.Gosh!.

dearly beloved are you listening?

2009-01-15T09:21:00.000-08:00

you were my saviour.

always there when i really needed you.

there's always a place in everybody's heart for you.

my late aunt.

we were was so used to seeing you.

now your gone,we're lost.

you fought for your life and i love you.

dearest aunt may your soul rest in peace.

Loving Memories

Arwahyarhamah Sanieh Binte Sanusi

11 January 1965 - 13 January 2009

god please look into this matter a.s.a.p!

2009-01-08T01:05:00.000-08:00

im scared.really scared.
so solemn.i miss her chuckles.her pretty smile.
dear aunt,will you get better now,please.
i pray to god,the others too.
i said to him.
this ain't fun no more.
its hurting all of us too deeply now
and i need her to be well.

She strive for a luxury bath
ever so strong,'cause she's tired of being wiped.
dear aunt,i cant imagine the pain you're going through
i told HIM to look into this matter now!
you dont deserve this.

This isn't fair
you've gone through enough of it
for you have saved me from my own sins
i miss you aunt.

You tried to swallow what was given
when i look at you,i know you can't
the thought of healing has conquered your mind.
All praises to god.Insyaallah.

tribute to my dearest aunt.be strong.i love you.don't stop fighting please.only stop when you're done with it.

if you love me

2008-12-25T00:18:00.000-08:00

days spent wanting to be somebody might just end up being a noone again.with not much support,anybody can fall right?.
yesterday was great yet quite a pain in the ass,emotionally.Went for my 2nd day of training.and i feel motivated.No i don't feel like a band member no more.But the things i learned is much the same as in Band.I don't hate band.i just hate the thought of it,the thought of being not allowed in school just because you're not in the 'list' of people.what the hack.is it a school or a fucking popular night club.
hais.what is in the past stays in the past aye?.well i hope so.
well,ohkay,moving on..
ermm.expect for the fact that Gary and Wen Bin entertaining and entertained,we learned alot about life for the past few days and weeks.
Everyone's so young.So confident.So motivated.Just so willing to learn.Even if they know they'll fall.
Dear mates,is it just me or do you feel it too.
To my "little handphone battery transfer inventor",i wish you good luck and have fun full filling your dreams.
To the other good friend,i love you too!
Support me people.i really need it.
love you all.
peace!

BOWLING like the FLINSTONES

2008-12-12T00:55:00.000-08:00

to my dearest

2008-12-10T07:29:00.000-08:00

baby,please don't go just yet.i need you.

so live your life.

2008-12-10T05:17:00.000-08:00

everydays dull.dull as a plain sheet of paper.waiting to be coloured.drawn.painted.well,thats my life.thats me.im dull.just wanting for something to happen.
i just met amir earlier.he's mad at me for not making a effort to find a job and just lazing around at home.he's clearly frustrated.and i know that.its been a few months that he's been persuading me to lose weight and find a job.part of it is because i dont feel comfortable in my own FATS.and i keep crying and whinning to him and i guess he's sick of it.he wants me to find a job so i can get away from my hectic family problems and troubled self.i have to pull up my sock now!get moving.
i call myself a slug,a snail.im a lazy bump and slow.im afraid of the ouside world and always hide in my shell.and im happy with being nothing.
i cant be like this forever.
what if one day.in 4 years time.im still looking for a job and not having the self confidence,still hanging around doing nothing and see my friends,the ones i used to hang out and do same stupid stuff with living thier life,driving a Merc,being the head of some well known company and live by themselves.and look at myself,still being a noone.and i think to myslef,what the hack have i done.if only blablabla...by the time its too late.amir says he's gonna resign from his current job cause he has a better offer overseas.he's leaving mid next year.im happy for him,but at the same time,i wonder.can i make it on my own?.can i prove to myself that im not the slug that i call myslef and prove to him that i can make it afterall.i got to buck it up.i have to.

some say you'll never gonna grow up

2008-12-06T08:14:00.001-08:00

well tell them K.M.ASS!

holidays?already?

2008-12-06T07:42:00.000-08:00

not much been happening.just the same old chaos.

-fought with mum,not been talking to her.only today i did.
-holidays up.so bored!
-need to get a job for the fucking attachment.i hate rejections!
-went swimming with TG gang.loads of funn.all went home looking like choco and vanilla.the tanned and the untanned.now i look like a black hawaaian.well,yea.now amir cant complain.
-went to night safari with my lil cousin sister and my brothers.the tiger wanted to mate with my lil cousin.fucking madagascarly kekek!
-sleeping over at ama's house tonight.

well that sums it up i guess.btw,i and ama called haniz earlier,she said she'd called back.but the call nvr came.

end

interview at the zoo

2008-11-30T05:12:00.000-08:00

this morning,we finally cleaned the house clean!no dust.no bacteria(hehe).no nothing.just sparkling pieces of furniture and rooms with new looks.then i met boncitty to hand him the cd's and laptop busu wanted me to pass to him.happy lala i am!.
the morning part of the day was great.the afternoon part kinda suck.i had an interview to go to.at the zoo.i was damn tired,lazy and hungry.papa agreed to send me.so,ohkay lah.i has happy up till there only.
then suddenly,jengjengjeng!i found nothing to wear.you know how i dress right.just simple and comfy stuff.mama found it kinda too informal.so,she decided to dress me up.fuck it la sia!luckily i was in a good mood.but guess what,i couldn't take it.i let it out.then i felt stupid.cause i look like one.ahhh!who cares.its only for a day right?so yeah..
wafi and naneh didnt attend the interview.im worried for them la.hope everything goes well though.btw people,please pray that i get this job.cause if i don't,i have no other jobs left seh.knnb!

lend a hand

2008-11-30T04:59:00.000-08:00

ysterday,isk came over just in time for the rooms makeover.was damn chaotic and messy.loads of dust too!isk help us put together a stupid-irritating-mtfker ikea cupboard and sofa!i swear this is not a job for normal human being.that explains why.isk,you ain't human!haha.thanks alot though!come over sometime for more jemput2.
i wish bestie was here when we had our minds cracked like eggs.confirm like madagascar sia.kecoh!bestie..i miss you..hehe

my last goodbye

2008-11-24T22:42:00.000-08:00

I don't believe you
And I never will
Oh I can't live by your side
With the lies you've tried to instill
I can't take anymore
I dont have to give you a reason
For leaving this time
Coz this is my last goodbye

It's like I hardly know you
But maybe I never did
It's like every emotion you showed me
You kept well hid
And every true word that you ever spoke
Was really deceiving
Now I'm leaving this time
Coz this is my last goodbye

I've gotta turn and walk away
I don't have anything left to say
I haven't already said before
I've grown tired of being used
And I'm sick and tired of being accused
Now I'm walking away from you
And I'm not coming back

have fun brother

2008-11-24T22:13:00.000-08:00

i burnt myself.accidentally actually.got a big scar now.right in the middle of my elbow.i hate scars.fuck la dey!
spent the weekends mostly with amalina bestieku!ysterdy sent nabil and the other band mates of for Hong Kong.still really jealous but,wtv i guess!.just hope they're having fun though.somehow,just somehow...
.
.
i miss my brother.
cepat balek ohkay!

umm..from ryn.

2008-11-22T23:39:00.000-08:00

The rules & regulations:
1) Each player of this game starts off with 10 weird things/habits/little known facts about yourself
2) People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 10 weird things/habits/little know facts as well as state this rule clearly
3) At the end, you need to choose 10 people to be tagged & list their names
4) No tag back.

10 weird things/habits/little known facts about myself
-i am very clumsy.and can get really messy.
-i smoke alot.
-i hate having big boobs actually.
-i cut my mates hair alot.
-love travelling to sch but hate to be in sch.haha!
-i am very sentimental.i keep alot of old stuff.i still have my primary sch uniform in my closet baybeh!
-my boobs are real
-i love to sing.
-amir's my day and night.
-i laugh funny.

10 lucky people tat is going to be tagged by me!
im just gonna do 5 ohkay.cause i think they've all done this already before.
random picking,here goes!
-umairah
-isk
-haniz
-ebal
-uin

tmrws plan.

2008-11-22T23:25:00.000-08:00

tmrw.im going to school but im leaving early and meet amalina and head to the airport to send my brother off along with the all other band mates+the nbcb teachers.but i miss my mates in school.thats why im gonna go to sch first.cant wait.
well after the send-off,i think im gonna meet amir and watch movie.

baby baby..

2008-11-22T23:23:00.001-08:00

wo ai ni boncitty!

they all.

2008-11-22T23:16:00.000-08:00

band HKG trip

2008-11-22T23:11:00.000-08:00

well,nabil's been bugging me alot about the HKG trip.and the band mates still yakking bout it,just isnt helping at all.
well whatever.im jealous.i know.why shouldnt i be?!
they will be taking QF for god's sake!hmm..whatever it is.i still want you guys to have funn ohkays!lovekamusume!

home alone 5

2008-11-22T22:55:00.000-08:00

home alone agian with busu.just chilling i guess.
ysterday,my cousins came over FOR FOOD.well,unfortunately,mum's not cooking.but well,my mum bought some food though.duhh!my mum is the humanitarian woman next door perh!yeah..well known too..
stayed home,cleaned the house a little.then spent the rest of the day making dadeh for today's occasion.
my little cousins(two of them) brothers sunat's kenduri.
loads of dadeh in the frigde.strawberry,blueberry and mango.
now,1/2 gone.shessh!mum packed them for the kenduri and off they went.
i did not want to tag along.i just didnt want to.yeah,they're alil diff from my family.and they make me nervous all the time.okok wtv.now.im gonna update some pics ohkay baybeh!
kisskiss!

last night

2008-11-19T00:26:00.000-08:00

yesterday,went home to find that
dhaimirah,saiful bahri and isk jamming with nabil in the hall at home.
then they wanted to take group photos of thier guitars.
hehe.i joined in.
with the guitar amir gave me,mind you; a gibson epiphone.
i dont really know how to play the guitar.
but i own one.a really good one i heard.
haha.
.
.
its spoilt unfortunately!
.
.
well,so what.can repair what?!okok.
while trying to jammmm with them,ama called and told me she wanted to meet munirah.
i was bored to my bones!
i so badly wanted to meet ama.its been awhile.
thinking that it was not a bad idea,i followed her.
we walked.
met mun.she *'spider-ed' my hair.haha!*ama*
then buy makan,which was waffles and a egg and ham sandwich.
we buy hari raya drink then we lepak-ed near uin's house.
marinda green apple.haven!
hais..just like the old times..
though in between the kecoh convo,there were the disturbing cricket sound.(susah nah nk explain sia)
mun ganas sia.haha.
then ama and i walked home via the stadium carpark.a long walk.

today

2008-11-18T23:57:00.000-08:00

finally its wednesday.
finally finally.finally finally
tmrw's our day baby.don't make me regret waiting.
i am syked.
5..4..3..2..1..
its a suprise.well,i hope so.
i cant put my words together now.
.
.
been really loud throughout the day.
and i feel that the lecturers are giving me 'special attention' after my mum gave them 'the call'.
cibai siak!i can take attention but not special attention!
NA AH!
NEVER!
this is all because of the stupid debarment letter.
ah..nw,im just gonna chill.
my mum eh,mcm paham sia!
i applied for ITE by myself and amir sia.
only the payment part jek my mum sebok2 nk tolong.
now she's stalking me.
grr!
ahhh!wtv la.
been there done that,only different situation.
ohkay,now im in OIT lab.
as per normal urh.
MMMMMEEENNNN-DDDAAAKKK!
hmm..got carried away about tmrw's secret plan.
oohhyeah!TGT'sT!
THANK GOD TMRW'S THURSDAY!

taking my time

2008-11-15T23:22:00.000-08:00

i feel whole this weekend.smoke-a-thon all night long.everyones so busy.what in the world is a question.me and my aunt got preety restless last night.she lost her ciggs.prime suspect;my dad.
i went to investigate.i found evidence.my dad was out of ciggs,and as we all know,he cant do without it.its his drug.then,jengjengjeng!the cigg was found.in his 'abg2 lorry' pouch.
when my parents left,together with my brothers.i was free!left only with my aunt.
nothing much happened.i just felt relieved.
i took my time doing everything.including wrapping myself with the towels after bath.
we smoked till we were sick of it.ok.gtg

imma give you the world!

2008-11-13T23:33:00.000-08:00

love-lings!and ex love-lings

2008-11-13T23:06:00.000-08:00

ama-rembaremba-JOBO!
currently listening to apit and wan song.yeah,so jiwangs!got carried away la.this is all wafi's fault!nbcb!haha.
met up with sue after school today.damn girl,you've grown!serious sia.so f-king cute.her pipi like so irresistible!haha..so happy eh today nabilah!aww..i miss her la!thats why so excited.
anyways,i was kinda craving for mcD's milo mcflurry thingy.and sue was passing time till 1.30 till her work starts.so APER LAGI!
we chatted and laughed most.reminiscing bout the old times.suddenly the topic bout my ex popped.sue said she saw him,the last day of puasa,at geylang,with his gf.he saw her and quickly turned away.nyeh!gf?.haha.thought you made a girl pregnant already.now what?!another spare tire?!haha..get a life la jantan sundal!
hah!anyways,you're history.im better off now.alhamdulillah!
i seriously cant wait for next week.gonna have a great time.dear god!please make me happy all the time and make this plan happen!i'll be good.promise.please!
im missing everyone now.i miss amir.i miss my family.i miss my bestie.i miss my kaki's.time flies huh?real fast too.hmm..its ohkay i guess.atleast for the better.
and for advertisement sake,you heard bout the psychotic zoo personnel who got killed by the white tigers in Singapore Zoo.if no,go check it out.
i got traumatized.

today's the day?

2008-11-10T22:54:00.000-08:00

things been alot better.i met my boncitty ystrday morning before school.yeah,after
a very very long time.

today's the day.spend the night before,shopping for someone else's stuff.atleast i tried.ended up with a stick of lipstick and two headbands.wtf!

i was not ready for the day.i knew i was the only one not dressed up like them.i brought what i had though.woke up at 6,bathed,when back to sleep.i was tired.dead tired and i knew that today's gonna be a very very very long day.i lied to him,i told him i was ready and i got all the stuff needed.i didn't exactly know why.i didn't want him to get all worried and worked up about it.

i met up wit ryn at cck first.and she was,DANGGG!haut sia!.NAUGHTY TEACHER.haha.and so made our way to school.

BEG lesson was a long wait,since being the only one not dressed up,i helped around,mostly by taking pics.

i was the first aider too.i brought my slippers and faz high heals were hurting her.and so i borrowed her my slipper.

now im in class.not paying attention.ryn was being scolded for being online.but,she did what the old hag(ms hazlina) was teaching.that neneh(ms hazlina) was juat picking on the NAUGHTY TEACHER.haha.and ryn wont give up without a nasty attitude!DANGGG GIRL!haha..uhuh snap that bitch!

ahyew's been yawning constantly every 25 secs.guess that'll telya how the lesson was.ITS A BORE!

gotta catch up with the class or shall i just fall asleep with my eyes open.nehh!blaja urh sia!haha..chaos!

ive got a question to ask

2008-11-07T04:50:00.000-08:00

are you my true friend?

the inner slug

2008-11-07T04:39:00.000-08:00

why am i so angry?i am.im angry with myself more than anything else.im depressed.
no one can help me.and nobody has tried.i feel like punching my mom right now.
and i feel like killing myself.i feel so dead-end-down.
i hate being outside.i hate being in.
am i real?i want to try myself,see how far can i go.
im D-E-E-P LY DEPRESSED!
STUPID FAMILY!stop adding pressure can you.
i wana make the world stop.
make them shut up!
no dee,i dont need your nonsensical treatment or questions.
and no friends,i dont need your kind words
no honey,im not lying
trust me anyone?
im never contented.maybe,i can never be
i hate my family the most.
and im ashamed of being me!

one last chance

2008-11-01T22:51:00.000-07:00

In my life I don't mean much to anyone
I've lost my way can't go back anymore
Once I had everything now it's gone
Don't tell me again coz I've heard it all before

Some people say that I'm not worth it
I've made mistakes but nobody's perfect
Guess I'll give it a try

I've got one last chance to get myself together
I can't lose no more time it's now or never and I try to remember who I used to be
I've got one last chance to get myself together

The time has come for me to change again
I can't carry on like this, I will lose my friends - don't say that you have given up on me
Just give me the time and space to heal my head

I don't wanna be misunderstood
I've got to take this chance and make it into something good

mengngong!

2008-11-01T22:20:00.000-07:00

school's been hard on me.on the others too i guess.office hours for tues till fri-s.everything's so tight.i dont even have time to have 'my time!'.im frustrated.very.i envy my ex classmates yang taking 'O'level.atleast they have the liberty to chill chill kadok still.but me?!incy bit-cy exams are coming up.and they're coming up way too FAST!!i still dont get any of the things that have been taught for RnT!and i still got some assignments to settle for OIT!.and and to top it all off,PROJECT WORK!what the fuck.

and as for my family,as always,lots and lots of drama.mama finally had her operations.so,the old folks has taken over the household.my atok has been getting on my nerves.he always calls me 'jantan' just cause i come home from school late everyday.I JUST HAD A LONG DAY FOR GOD'S SAKE!Shut up!.hw i wish i could just blurt it all out and let them know how i feel!atok always say that 'look at all the fat girls on tv,look!they have the talent and people love them.but you?!you have nothing!'.because of all the extra people at home,my family has fallen apart.drama after drama.one gossip about the other.even my mum gossip bout her own husband.do you think i can trust them?and do i ever trust them?HELL NO!!!!

and as for my social life,i have none.im always at home.up to nothing.occupying my time with lots of useless thinking that would lead to paranoia.and i hate it.everyone does.but i didnt do it on purpose huny.forgive me!im ruined.

my sayangs

2008-10-30T06:05:00.000-07:00

rad and dee: =8
wafi and lela: naughty boss and her secretary
wafi and dee: mak and anak
wafi and ryn: naughty teacher and her student

jgn marah ha!
manyak kekek ho!
still,kamu sume gue nyer lalings!

updates again

2008-10-30T05:59:00.001-07:00

updates

2008-10-30T05:40:00.000-07:00

guess who's back.back again!

2008-10-16T06:16:00.000-07:00

im back.back from the raya fever.kinda suck cause i cant raya with my ex classmates.but ex band mates dah urh.but not as happening as last time sia.then raya with TG,happening kape!naek bas uncle mamak "cute,lembab,kepale-rambot-stengah-masak"..and his name lagi cute,'LECU' beb! hahaha..adorable..

speaking bout fun and adorable,i miss him my baby sia.its been so long since we star gazed,went to irritating 'HOOTERS!' to makan and etc..never mind..things will get better right babe?i know.-.-,

BUSY BUSY BUSY BEB!

2008-10-03T22:11:00.000-07:00

rakan rakan,associates,love ones,family and all that's sewaktu dgnnye,sorry for not updating ohkays!
gue busy banget sih.ngak ada masa untuk bercengkeramah di sini.lagian gue lagi kacau sama tuan empunya lappy ini.ish!

sorry banget!

for those that do not understand.FIND A TRANSLATER OHKAYS!weehoo!
toodles..
will update when i update.=D
tc!god bless!
assalammualaikum!
hehe.muacks!
~~lala beb!~~

resemblence

2008-09-21T12:50:00.001-07:00

ni namer nyer jiwer beb!

oh mamma mamma!

2008-09-21T12:13:00.000-07:00

mama's been very sick lately.she does her own medication and drips at home.it saddens me though,as i cant do anthing to help.atleast when im at home,i'll do some of the chores and help around a little.dari si nabil tu..ishh!irritating mtfker sia he!..ouh..nvm..atleast im home for now ohkay mama!haiss..get well soon please..i hate to see you hurting each and everyday.though we quarrel alot and the things that i said and stuff..hmm..you're still my mama!love you!haiss..

this monkey dont see and do.she sets it.

2008-09-19T07:31:00.000-07:00

toldya!boredom's for no one.
btw,that aint no jap shades or whatsoever.
that's my atok's ohkay!

lately

2008-09-17T10:52:00.000-07:00

hmm..lately ive been thinking too much i guess.ive brought to myself my own depression.well atleast that keeps me going.been too laid back bout stuff and its sufficating me.feel like writing songs,but words wont make me feel all better.so,why bother right?.but hey,gotta do gotta do something to keep me going or i'll be MADNESS!!..friends who've known me long enough will know.even he knows it too.but baby,pestering me to get a job wont make things all better ohkay huns!gosh!what in the world am i yacking about..wafuck la dey!!

gotta do..

gotta do something..

gotta run..

gotta write something..

when is it ending?

2008-09-15T12:50:00.000-07:00

waoh!i never thought that holidays could be this boring.its only been a few days or weeks,but yeah,still.fuck la dey!gotta do something.should have followed naneh and continue working for pizza hut.gosh!*regrets*.

now sitting at home just thinking bout the 'used to be'.no no!not 'the used to be'.the past.yeah.the past.
last year was the most fucking happening year ever.and i missed those people too.but what the hack!live goes on right?what have i got to lose?

friends?-ive got friends.
bf?-ive got him.
bestie?-she's still here.

so yeah. ~fuck la~

i hate this feeling!

two days ago,alan and khai asked me out to go break fast together.but i rejected.cause they didn't want to go with the old clan.they wanted to go with arina,yana,uin,sarah they all.
no offence.but i just dont feel like it.though we know each other,i just dont feel like it.haiss.sorry alan and khai.

i hate this feeling!

looking at jason castro makes my heart goes 'gedak geduk'super fast!!

me and bestie's day out

2008-09-13T21:51:00.001-07:00

p.s you made my day

<3>

<3 ama <3

<3> <3> <3> <3> <3> <3>

<3> <3 one's pure gold heart and the other still beating.

We went to our second heaven.The Cocao Tree at Raffles City.Then to Haji Lane,cause ama was fasting and we thought that was the next best thing to Geylang.Called my best guy friend up,Ebal,and asked him where he was.He said he was helping out Faried Faiezin's mum's gerai in the bazaar at Geylang and told us to come over.And so we did.

btw,E'Flava is ebal's,so waCIAO!!haha..

-end-

a day out with bestie

2008-09-13T21:42:00.000-07:00

most missed

2008-09-12T23:42:00.000-07:00

My dearest friends,
i miss you guys

oh yeah!this is the shit yo!

2008-09-12T05:19:00.000-07:00

hey hey hey hey!!

FIRSTLY..thanks to CHACH for pimping my blog.

yea chach,the cute lil PO and the girl who was a heavy duty boombox for a mouth.hehe.how adorable.she's chacha aka aishah btw.i call her chach cause its like 'chachh chachh cher ching!'.

haha,get it?ler..nevermind.hmmpf..

okay moving on,

yesterday my dear ex twin sister,haniz ella,a.k.a datin's blog was intruded by a no brainer named 'random ass'.he/she tagged idiotic stuff bout ma friend sia.how rude and random is that sia.haiss..dear haniz baby,hope u bersaba okay.fucking losers are like that.so,chill aite.haiyo!.btw,i miss you darl.you,uin,umai and all.hope to see you guys soon.okay?.

anyways,gona telya guys bout my day.

well,woke up at around 2pm.quite early,considering that i have not really slept for the whole week.hmm..woke up then headed straight for the phone to call my bestie,ama.wanted to bake muffins for dear amir baby today,as today is our 1st year anniversary.yeah!woohoo.haha.

ama was damn pissed sebab i informed her last minute that i wana come over and bake it at her place cause my house dont have the proper tools like the mixer thingy and stuff.how frustrating!grr..and yes,ama allowed and also wanted to help out alil.so,at 4 just now,went down to her place and start baking.not much muffins produced as i know amir baby dont favour them that much.but i finished the whole mixture and left it there for ama and family to mamam on.

okok,finished all the baking and packing just in time to meet baby before he goes to work.ohh!how i miss him..he loved the suprise.haha.how lega i was!all done.then gave him a peck on his cheeks then sent him off to the bus stop nearby.btw,i meet him under ama's block.so,it was kinda more convinient.haiss..loved the day.love bestie.love baby.love kamu semua!lols!

RANDOM

2008-09-10T10:31:00.000-07:00

RANDOM

* M.Monroe by Andy Warhol

**Anthony Bourdain<3

(my inspiration)

***inked

(interest and becoming my passion)

well,this are just random pics okay.though i have to admit,somethings that i like is not something that i think that others would also love/like, well im not trying to be different nor am i trying to make you/them like it but,im not the type girl who sits and follows the trend.well,atleast not in every single beat of changes there is in the current 'trend updates'.sheessh!

well fcuk it up okay.and stop blaberring biatch.its my blog anyways.suke hati gua la!..rather then you arseholes,call yourself a photographers just because you own one "oollalala" camera.and you took several shots to prove to them/us that you're one of them.

“All photographs are accurate. None of them is the truth.”andy warhol

"all shitheads are the same.they all busuk."nabilah

BOREDOM..

2008-09-10T08:51:00.000-07:00

gosh its 5 mins to 1am and im still awake.don't know for what fcuk also.im online but nobody seems to be talking,chatting with me.slalu time2 gini kecoh siak girlfriends and friends alike.
my busu also has long gone into her deep deep sleep.often she would be up with me,in the room puffing the night away.then i would 'sahur' then nap for an hour then get ready for school.its been a week now since ive started getting used to the insomniac in me.fcuk!BUT WHY?!.

Somehow everything's gona fall
Right in
To place
If we only had a way
To make it all
Fall faster everyday
If only time flew like
A dove
God make it fly
Faster than I'm falling in love
This time we're not givin up
Let's make it last forever
Screamin
Hallelujah
We'll make it last forever
Holdin on to patience wearin thin
I can't force these eyes to see the end
if only time flew like
A dove
We could watch it fly
And just keep lookin up

*just a song okay

close call

2008-09-10T03:16:00.000-07:00

hey babe.i miss you so.today was my 3rd day of examinations.and i was late.it was almost 8.and the paper starts at 8.30.wa!fuck..thanks to you,and your daily morning updates(sms)+mushy texts!hehe..so i quickly got up and head straight to the telephone and told you i was late for the exam...

then incah2 i went and mandi and all.

then reached school,mdm surianis was waiting for me right at the staircase landing.and she told me to run.i said to myself,what f*ck?!RUN?!.no no..k,then i brisk walk uh.naek tangga lagi.**GOD ALMIGHTY!HELP ME!..plz let me take the test plz!**

yang weird nyer,is that surianis did not make a big huha bout me being late.and,she told me that my cousin called to tell her that i will be late cause i got urgent matter at home.then,aku terpikir2 sia..who sia my cousin?!.

hmm..

without me knowing,amir had my teacher's num.

he called her and told her that i was having problems at home.

and that i'll be late.

thanks baybeh!for saving my ass this time.

if not for you i da kene debarred da for the exam.

love ya gemuky!

eeemmuackss!

is it too late now?

2008-09-09T05:32:00.000-07:00

this friday,you're gonna be my one year baby.
fast aye?
but you changed dramatically.
im changing too.

today,we were supposed to meet.
yet,you upset me again
its 8.30 now
ive got exams tommorow

ohh..sweet sweet joy
the pain of waiting
the hurt of not knowing
the sting of the aftermath

its okay to you i guess
cause you're numb
well ive got to have some novacaine
im well,tired of this

the fact is that i love you
the truth is that i hate you
the lie is that you're lying
the story is that . . . . .

wake up already
gosh
i miss you
and i really do.....

so,calme when you feel like it
love me when you have noone else to love
hold me when you're free
make love to me when you're bored

ive taken my novacaine
and im way too numb to know that you're hurting
so dont blame me...

your my first true love

2008-09-08T03:16:00.000-07:00

First Love,
I never was struck before that hour.
With love so sudden and so sweet.
His love bloomed like a sweet flower .
And stole my heart away complete.
My face turned pale, a deadly pale.
My legs refused to walk away,
And when he looked what could i ail.
My life and all seemed turned to clay.

And then my blood rushed to my face
And took my eyesight quite away.
The trees and bushes round the place
Seemed midnight at noonday.

I could not see a single thing,
Words from my eyes did start.
They spoke as chords do from the string,
And blood burnt round my heart.

Are flowers the winter's choice
Is love's bed always snow
But he seemed to hear my silent voice
Not love appeals to know.

I never knew love like this
As that I stood before.
My heart has left its dwelling place
And can return no more.